


four songs.

by winterscaptsam



Series: Sambucky bingo 2019 [6]
Category: Marvel
Genre: Amnesia, Angst and Feels, Love Letters, M/M, Sam Wilson Feels, Sambucky Bingo 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24388942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterscaptsam/pseuds/winterscaptsam
Summary: It takes awhile for the thought to sink in, Sam isn’t coming home with Bucky, he’s going someplace else with a stranger in his mind. Bucky remembers to not let his heart ache so hard when Sam flinches at his touch, when their eyes meet and there is nothing but a foreign feeling.OrBucky writes to Sam about four songs he needs him to remember.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Series: Sambucky bingo 2019 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1513679
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	four songs.

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily believe that music is a strong part of the sambucky relationship, so...yeah, here ya go. 
> 
> P.S, Sam has retrograde amnesia; the loss of memory from before the accident. This is from Bucky's POV but if I've mentioned anything with an inaccurate description then please do go ahead and correct me. 
> 
> Sambucky Bingo, Box filled: Amnesia

He remembers that it hurt.

The intense heat of flames burning the edges of his wings, this is how Icarus must’ve felt, falling to his own destruction, the sun gleaming in his eyes, blinding his sight as winds cut his skin. In the distance, screams and bullets, the slow beat of his chest drumming into his ears. As he falls he remembers Riley, he remembers Natasha. Is this how it felt? For heaven to betray your trust, I’m sorry you lingered a little too close.

**🎶**

The morning before. 

Sam lay sweetly on their king sized bed, the silk covers draped over his waist as the sun beamed onto his clear brown skin, shining its glint from his shoulders down. Morning eyes fluttered awake, humming along to Sam Cooke, Bucky had set up in the kitchen. 

“Wake up,” Bucky whispered down to his lover, peppering kisses over Sam’s shirtless body, admiring each structured muscle that basked underneath this sunlight, he would lay here and kiss each scar away with his softness if he could, “Fury’s calling for Captain America.”

Sam groaned, rolled over so he was facing flat and muffled mixtures of curses into the pillow but hiding back the grin on his lips as Bucky pulled him out of bed. 

Bucky will wish forever he just let him sleep. 

**🎶**

It takes awhile for the thought to sink in, Sam isn’t coming home with Bucky, he’s going someplace else with a stranger in his mind. Bucky remembers to not let his heart ache so hard when Sam flinches at his touch, when their eyes meet and there is nothing but a foreign feeling.

The first night, Bucky plays Marvin Gayes, lets get it on. The naivety in him hoping it’d trigger a memory, Bucky says, “it’s your favourite song, you’d wake me up every mornin’ with it,” Sam doesn’t even muster up a smile, just keeps his hands in his pockets and swallows back a gulp, “I think I’m just gonna head to bed.” And it only takes a few seconds before Bucky registers what he means, mumbling out the directions to their room, the bed that hasn’t been touched since the morning before the fall. 

**🎶**

_Dear Sammy,_

_You told me that when J.R.R Tolkien first wrote The Lord of the Rings it was for his son who was fighting in the War. To keep him company, help him focus on the other wonders of life. I know circumstances are a tad different but I thought I’d help you by doing the same._

_Shuri told me you may never get your memories back but that doesn’t mean I can’t remind you of them._

_1) Marvin Gaye, Lets Get it On._

_You sat me down by the dining table you specifically said “get ready to be blown away Barnes” I smiled and waited for whatever shit you were going to pull on me instead you started to sing along to the voice in the phone. I still remember how brown your eyes looked in the sunlight. I hope one day you will learn to sing again._

**🎶**

The first thing he said when he woke was his name, unsure and lost like it had taken him a minute to calculate who he was. Itching for his voice in the back of his throat, trying to reach for what’s not there anymore. 

“Can you tell me your date of birth, Mr Wilson?” The nurse had asked. 

Bucky remembers hearing his heart sink, watching as the man he loved slowly faded away within each answer. Sammy’s tone was hoarse, as though just realising he had a voice he blinked up at the nurse, whispering and then repeating loudly again. “September...23rd.” He licks back his lips, a small unnoticeable flinch at the dryness, Bucky quickly reaches for water. “1978.” He says it like a question but something he’s sure of the same. 

**🎶**

_2) Beethoven, Moonlight Sonata._

_It was the first song you played for me on the piano. You let my head rest on your lap as you played in tune to the music. Didn’t even stop when you could feel my tears soak your shorts. You just let me be and played the music as a comfort. I never did thank you and it might be stupid now thanking you for something you_ ~~_won’t_ ~~ _can’t remember._

**🎶**

Bucky feels like a ghost, silently watching Sam hollow in himself. The curtains drawn closed not even a hint of sunlight to be seen as Sam shields himself with the covers, he doesn’t even utter a word when Bucky says breakfast is made. 

Sam sits across from him, staring down at his stacked pancakes drizzled with honey, “it was your favorite,” Bucky says in between his own mouthfuls. Sam just looks up at him, his lip quirks a little and Bucky takes it for a smile as much as he can give, but for the love of god Bucky can't figure out if Sam doesn’t remember if he likes pancakes or if he’s just not hungry. 

He just- Bucky sighs, he doesn’t know what to do. 

**🎶**

_3) The Black Eyed Peas, I Gotta Feeling_

_We were happy but I cant remember why. I know that we were screaming the lyrics loud enough to piss off anyone who could hear us. I shouted I love you and you screamed it back. We jumped in chaos to every song that played after. I remember we were happy._

**🎶**

At first Bucky doesn’t register it, in between happy and distraught. This is the first time Sam’s spoken more than a word to him, he just didn’t exactly imagine it to be like this. 

As if the angels above are melting the feathers of Sammy’s wings one by one and all Sam see’s are Bucky’s burning hands, made in the sunlight, Sam says, “I don’t want to remember.” 

Bucky’s hands hover over Sam’s, unsure if a week without physical touch is enough. 

“If I remember, why does everyone assume it’ll be the good bits? What if there are things I tried so hard to forget?” 

**🎶**

_4) Marconi Union, Weightless._

_Calm. Soothing. At peace. Reminds me of you up there soaring through clouds like the blue skies was made just for you and then you’d come down and share it with me. Calm. Soothing. At peace._

_Sammy I promise to make you feel that again._

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me your thoughts :)
> 
> Find me on tumblr as @justficsandstuff


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